“Promises”
A micro memoir by Anonymous (9).
I sat, too stunned to speak. The only thing in my gaze was the image of my sister’s face, full of disappointment and annoyance. I tried to form an indignant excuse in my mouth, but shame of the realization that she was right and how I have done this many times before rose in the back of my throat like sour bile.
“Ellie, I’m sorry, but you know I can’t help it with this much homework,” I said as calmly as I could even though I knew I could’ve helped it. She narrowed her eyes at me.
¨You never keep your promises,¨ she said. She walked defiantly out the door and stalked off back to her room. I shook my head at her and then realized that I’d promised to her that we would go walking for the past week now. I sat guilty for a few seconds.
I often thought of my sister as very similar to a puppy. She was always energetic and if you didn't give her a way to use it all, you would have a mini tornado on your hands that could wreck your room. To solve this, me and my sister would often take walks around our neighborhood. It's actually more enjoyable than it sounds because there are tons of thick, colorful trees and tiny shrubs in our neighborhood. The only real problem is that you have to drag me out there to start enjoying it. Because of this, my sister often had to drag me outside, either physically or by threats and promises. Sometimes, it worked. I would get bullied into a promise and we would end up walking that day. Most of the time however, I would use my homework card on her and we would just stay inside for the day. This however, was the first time she snapped back.
Sitting at my desk, I felt the deep uncomfortable feeling of a strange mixture of shame and offense. I always managed to stuff down the feelings of feeling guilty with the excuse of how important homework is for school and grades. But this time it wasn’t working. I had the quick flash of the feeling that she was being unreasonable and I was being perfectly fine. The feelings solidified when I went to her room to apologize and she glared at me hostiley.
When sitting at my desk again to try to resume my homework I thought, “I did promise her… and she’s right, I am never good at keeping my promises. But she could’ve been nicer! But I mean-it’s entirely my fault.”
With these new thoughts of clarity, I got up and walked down the hall to my sister’s office. The closed door seemed to almost seep feelings of gloom and frustration, but I went in anyway. She glared at me and I looked at her sheepishly. A few moments of awkward silence filled the room and sat heavy on our skin.
Looking back on it now, I can see through her eyes how frustrating it must be to have someone close to you promise something over and over only to have them repeatedly dismiss it vaguely and not show the expression of being sorry. I’m actually surprised she didn’t snap at me earlier.
“Ellie, I’m really sorry. I keep promising things to you, yet I never do them.” I said. We sat silently for a few moments.
She sighed.
“It’s fine,” she said. She stared out the window with an unreadable expression for a few moments and then looked at me again. “Just keep your promises, [Name].” The tone of her voice still carried a slight tinge of disappointment, but it was from her having expected more from me. And that hit me harder than if she would´ve tackled me to the ground at that very moment.
I offered my most apologetic expression and ideas of ways of redeeming myself. She smiled and waved me out of the room. An hour later, we both took a walk together.