“The Cleanse”
A micro memoir by Anonymous (9).
The shock hit me like a wave hitting a rock at the lake. How could he have done this? Anger and betrayal swirled in my mind like the cold water under the pier. I felt like my whole body was going to explode. I thought back to the last conversation I had with him.
¨I'm sorry, but I'm gonna be in Tahoe for Valentine's Day. I tried to convince my parents to let me stay.¨ I had said, pleading with him and hoping he wouldn't be too upset.
¨What? You said we could hang out!¨ He said before backtracking, ¨Whatever it's fine I'll just hang out with my friends instead.¨
His words said he wasn't upset but his tone was bordering passive-aggressive. I was secretly relieved that I wouldn't have to hang out with him for valentines day. I liked him enough, but I knew if we hung out he would just spend the whole time trying to pressure me to kiss him.
It's not that I didn't like him, I just didn't trust him and didn't want to waste my first kiss on a relationship that I didn't think would last or be a positive memory for me. I had never really had a ´real´ relationship before him. I had maybe one or two boyfriends in elementary school, but he was my first real middle school crush. None of my friends liked him but the reason I liked him was mostly that this girl in my class that I didn't like also liked him. It was more of a competition than a crush in the end.
Standing on the pier looking out over the clear blue water and the mountains on the other side of the lake, I reread the text what felt like 100 times. ´I think there's something you should know…´ The typing ellipsis seemed to be taunting me as I waited for the next text. ´He kissed someone at lunch today.´
I didn't even have time to respond to my friend before I got an almost identical text from another one of my friends. I didn't care to respond to either of them before messaging my boyfriend.
¨WTF? Did you kiss another girl?¨ I typed
¨Oh…well it wasn't like that. We’re just friends.¨
¨I don't think it's normal to kiss your friends on Valentine’s Day when you have a girlfriend.¨
¨Well, it is for me. Why are you overreacting?¨
I set my phone down on the old wooden bench on the pier. I wasn't going to let a dumb boy ruin my trip to my favorite place. Something about the beautiful atmosphere in the mountains, isolated from everyone back home, was what kept me coming back every year. The ability to forget or ignore anything that was bothering me. It's as if a force within nature and the trees was removing all negative energy from my life. Being there just felt like a full cleanse. Something in nature must have known that I would be better off without that relationship in my life.
The lake was warm this year for February, and there was no snow. I took my shorts off and put them next to my phone before diving into the refreshing lake water. As I wiped the water out of my eyes, I felt as if I was rinsing all of my problems away with the blue waves.