Narrator Argument

By Kentaro Regan

(Note current Piece originally had muliple fonts which is not possible on this website, nevertheless enjoy)

The man walks through a dark, eerie forest, the trees staring at him intensely, almost shunning him from their community. Bending his knees slightly, placing his feet into patches of ground he knows will create the least sound.

Keeping his head low and his eyes sharp he concentrates into a state that goes beyond what most would be able to go to. He sees how the sunlight fades into darkness through the leaves, ears every echo in the forest, smells the sourness of the pines.

This is terrible, you're definitely trying way too hard.

Uhh his eyes notice something, a sound? Perhaps it’s his inner doubts, yes, this wasn’t a hunt he had to concentrate so intensely on, he learned doing such things would end up badly long ago.

No no no, stop right now, this is how you want to start your story?

Ugh… umm indeed this man’s story had already been nearing its end, but perhaps a new one was just about to begin, one he wasn’t aware of.

Okay now that’s just no good. I mean this isn’t natural at all, who in this situation would be arrogant enough to think of themselves as the protagonist of a story? Your beginning too, was way too strong, it feels like you want to sound better than you really are.

Please stay out of my story, how would you feel if someone brutally interrupted you while you were writing?

Not that bad honestly, If the advice was really warranted (which it is).

Well I don’t want your “advice” I really insist you leave.

Personally I think I’d be better if you started off with dialogue, or the character’s thoughts. Like this:

“Ha, perhaps I’ve been doing this job for too long.”

The old man was currently on the hunt for a very unique animal at the request of one of his clients. He once again took out the photo of the animal he was looking for. He prided himself on being an animal expert, but even he was unsure of what this creature was supposed to be, constantly having to double and triple check the photo to imprint the image into his mind.

Something like that. You want to characterize him, what he is doing, who he is hunting, all of that.

No no I mean isn’t that just–

Where is the description?

What?

What?

You heard me, where is the description? It’s absolutely appalling to me that you would start a story without establishing where we even are, we all know character’s are important, but when it comes to the very beginning if you don’t tell the readers where you are it might as well be a children's book.

You know childrens books can be surprisingly deep, even if simple…

Shut up Comic Sans.

Shut up Comic Sans.

Shut up Comic Sans, although that is a bit true.

WHERE IS THE ACTION?!?!!?? Something like:

He pulled out his assault rifle and pulled the trigger, jumping in the air as he did so knowing he would hit his target! AN EXPLOSION rocketed behind him, just as his foe collapsed. He held his gun with confidence and superiority, but despite that both he and his foes knew he was in TERRIFYING and PERILOUS DANGER!

You might as well be a comedy narrator.

Go back to the SPJ, Impact.

Where are you guys even coming from? And is your story even related to the original, Impact?

He hates his job in journalism, but you should still bring him back.

Very well…

NOOOOOO

Although I hate to say it, Impact has the right Idea. The whole premise was completely pointless, you have to create a story of elegance and nobility, an epic quest of love and sacrifice. Having a story set in the forest, a very raw and unpalatable one at that, is simply horrendous. Try to write starting at a hearth, or perhaps a grand palace if you're confident enough, otherwise just stick to writing poems.

Ew… Poems are gross, where is that epic quest you were talking about in poems? There aren't any characters or heart in poems, and it’s really boring.

I would disagree, poems are all about heart, although it comes off weird when Pacifico talks about writing since the only font that's harder to read then him are Wingdings.

✋︎ ♒︎♋︎❖︎♏︎ ❍︎⍓︎ ◆︎⬧︎♏︎⬧︎

Why did you have to mention him…

Am I really so disrespected here?

Trebuchet

Hi Trebuchet.

I really think we should write horror, horror is a really underrated genre that’s really visceral… Something like:

The man felt something upon his neck. It traced up through his back like someone had grabbed his spinal cord, he was frozen, he wanted to shake what ever was on him off, but he had this terrible feeling in his throat that moving in any way wouldn’t end well for him. It kept creeping, slowly up into his scalp, and soon his entire head vibrated, almost like it wanted to rip itself off. Out of instinct he brought hand to his neck and felt his head separate from his body. turning around, he found nothing, his body still intact, but he still felt the lingering feeling of the forest pulling his head off, like an afterthought.

That was interesting Amatic, perhaps I should delve into the horror genre.

I’m glad you think that way. P-Pacifico.

What the heck, so scary…

Oh there is something behind you Arial.

AAAHHHHHHHH, oh, oh god… it’s just Montserrat… Jesus.

You definitely over exaggerated there but, I finally managed to get Impact back into his office… Why are there so many more in here?

I’m a bit confused myself, in all honesty. Normally only one or two narrators are allowed in a story, this is excessive.

Ooo Montserrat, I’d be really really happy if I could write something too!

Shut up Comic Sans.

Be Quiet Comic Sans.

Shut up Comic Sans.

Shut up Comic Sans…

Trebuchet

☟︎♓︎ ❄︎❒︎♏︎♌︎◆︎♍︎♒︎♏︎⧫︎

I’d be a bit interested.

….You're such a normie Arial.

What?

Guys I haven’t made any progress with writing, and at this point enough character’s have been introduced that we should really hurry up and wrap this up.

You repeat-t-ted yourself…

Is anyone seriously not creeped out by this guy?

Well, Montserrat. When it comes to character’s as long as you properly give each one time to shine, and keep them consistent and interesting, it’s not a terrible idea to have a large cast introduced all at once.

Well I feel like a writer can get stressed to keep such a large cast in mind while writing. I mean Impact was kicked out, he was annoying yeah, but also a character like that would take the focus in such a large cast.

I’d have to agree with Montserrat here, it’s normally easier to write about one or two characters as a central focus. At least within the first act of a story. Especially if there is some central goal, even something stupid like, getting a hamburger that actually tastes good.

Nice italics.

Thanks, I’ve been working on them.

Okay well guys, please just leave, I don’t want to get Impact back in here, to annoy everyone out of here.

Since you asked so politely I suppose I’ll be on my way.

Yes, because manners eh?

N-N–N-No, I-I wils tay. Yes?

Hmm, you know what I forgot. Me and Comic Sans have to be somewhere.

We do?

Shut up and come with me.

Well I suppose If you really need me to leave I will, See you later Montserrat.

💣︎♏︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ✌︎❍︎♋︎⧫︎♓︎♍︎ ⬥︎♓︎●︎●︎ ♑︎♏︎⧫︎ □︎◆︎⧫︎ □︎♐︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎❒︎ ♒︎♋︎♓︎❒︎ ■︎□︎⬥︎ 💣︎□︎■︎⧫︎⬧︎♏︎❒︎❒︎♋︎⧫︎📪︎ ⬧︎□︎❒︎❒︎⍓︎ ♓︎♐︎ ⬥︎♏︎ ⧫︎❒︎□︎◆︎♌︎●︎♏︎♎︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎📬︎

W-W-W-WinggggDinggs what are you doing, let me go, no no no no no. AIGUHAGIUGH—

Whew… that really is everyone gone. Back to Writing. Ok so hunter in the woods, hunting something, an animal? No perhaps a person… What type of person, how about a mysterious criminal? Sure, and not a hunter, but like some private investigator, that’s really into the woods. Ok ok, so.

The man steps into a dark and eerie forest…

A story by Kentaro Regan