“A Handwritten Letter”

Poem by V Tolmasoff (12).

I just want a handwritten letter from you

Saying that you’re here and always will be 

Saying that you won’t leave my broken soul to rot 

in the dust that you left behind

So that i can read it any time

To keep me in check,

To snap me out of reality,

Even if it’s just a glitch in my morning routine. 

Tell me that you’re my soulmate

And that you’re here to savor every single moment of my life

And you don’t have to say

The three forbidden words that can’t be said out loud

But you can always show them. 

I want you to know my shoe size

And my favorite gum,

I want you to know my favorite movie

And all of my favorite colors.

I want you to listen to my voice

And say that you’ll never forget

My very own unique melodic tempo. 

I want you to know what hurts me 

So that you know what not to do

When you decide to break my heart.

But you’ll do it anyway. 

And I will keep that handwritten letter

Long after you’ve moved on

And I’ll read it every morning

When I first wake up,

My brain drowning in sorrow

Because even though at this moment in time, I don’t know you yet,

I do know that you are meant for my soul

I can feel the butterflies in my stomach caress my heart

Everytime I think about who you might be.

You’ll never say that you “love” me

But you’ll show all the sweet affection necessary

To tie the string keeping us together.

I’ll keep the letter and read it when i need 

To escape my melancholic reality of a life

To savor the last moment of us

To remember how much it hurt

When you broke my heart, 

Where the butterflies once swarmed.

Because I told you everything about me

From my favorite flower to my all of my childhood trauma,

To what makes me the happiest.

I know that when you moved on,

You carried that pressing weight with you.

Or did you?

Do you even remember all of those conversations

That we had in the dark?

Do you still carry the thoughts I burdened you with?

Do you still keep that promise?

The one we made when I finally opened up my being to you?

My heart and soul pouring out onto the unwritten paper in the air,

Spilling out of my mouth into your ears. 

Or have you broken it,

Like the string that was cut 

Which was thinningly tying us together?

Nevertheless,

I will treasure 

The single 

Handwritten letter

Expensively traumatic in it’s own way

Until the day I finally decide

That it’s time to cut my end of the string

And move on, just like you did years ago.