Hard Impact

(Excerpt)

By Andrea C.L.

— “An excerpt from my long form story ‘Hard Impact’. The full story itself is very long and an emotional rollercoaster, but for my submission I wanted to show the main emotions used in it. Grief, anger, and relief.”

Mallard came back to his bedroom. Exhausted, afraid, yet relieved. He collapsed onto his bed and buried his face with his pillow. God he felt awful. He almost wished he was at work right now. So what if he was in probably the worst mental space ever? At least his job gave him something to distract himself with. Now he’s just constantly sulking in his room about the whole ordeal.

But at the same time he didn’t want to think about it. At all. It was something he wished for just one moment would leave him be. But I just won’t. And what was he doing thinking about this?! Surely he would’ve known this was only worsening it. But no! His mind is just toying with him at this point.

“Hey!” It told him, “Remember when Kat-”

“You should’ve seen it coming! I mean Kat literally-”

“She wouldn’t let you be friends with anyone! What were you expecting!”

“You knew that Kat-”

“You saw how shorter you were than Kat-”

“Kat Kat Kat”

“KAT!”

“Mallard!”

He jolted from the raised voice and turned around to see Brad at his door.

“Are you ok?” He asked, “I heard you talking to yourself again.”

What?

“Oh god not again…” Mallard groaned, burying his face with his hands, “I’m sorry I worried you I just…fuck.”

But Brad didn’t leave after that. Instead he sat beside Mallard and held his hand gently with a grip just soft enough to ease Mallard’s senses.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Brad told him gently, “I know it’s been a rough week for you. And if you wanna talk we can be ok?”

Mallard was silent for a few moments, the only indicator of an answer was him resting his head on his friend’s shoulder. Then for one moment, a smile came back to him.

“Remember when we ditched prom?”

Brad let out a chuckle, “Of course I do dude! That was so sick! And probably the only bit of rebelling I will ever do.”

Mallard laughed, “I know right?! It’s just…I’m glad I have you staying with me. It just feels like I’m back at that night again. Riding off to the middle of nowhere. Us laughing-”

“Sneaking in some drinks?”

Mallard snorted with that response, “That too! And we were having so much fun and for the first time I felt heard.

Especially when I was able to open up about how…Kat…”

His voice trailed off, and he immediately got frustrated.

“For fucks Sake not again…” Mallard lamented, “I keep thinking about her! And I don’t know why! She ruined my life, she ruined my childhood and yet here I am still thinking about her.”

“It’s ok dude,” Brad gently replied, “Whether you like it or not she had a major impact on your life. For better and…well obviously worse.”

“…”

“Can you sleep next to me?” Mallard finally asked, “I just don’t wanna end up with some messed up nightmare flashback to anything Kat…well you know. Basically just her. And, it would be nice.”

“Of course dude!” Brad excitedly exclaimed, “You’re my best friend, how could I not!”

A few minutes passed by and they were now fast asleep. Brad was nestled up to Mallard softly as he had a smile throughout. Mallard couldn’t help but crack a smile as well from time to time. It was nice to finally have some relief…though it was still some.

Because his mind kept poking at a memory.

One specific moment.

That has been something he wished he could forget.

But that one night. That one fucking night was like a unwanted guest. Barging in at the worst of times just to belittle and frustrate him to his very core. Something Mallard didn’t even want to breathe the same air as. But that one night has always been in the back of his mind.

He did remember all the details, but his mind made sure it was locked away to the point he couldn’t remember it even on command. But there were some details that managed to get away.

Like the fact that it was a stormy day. That he wore a thrasher shirt with an unbuttoned flannel. With jeans and red converse shoes to complete the look. That before she suggested…that he was taking a nap. That he could feel how the hair in the nape of his neck brushed against his skin. How the “warmth” contrasted that storm. Though with new context, the storm felt more like the most wholesome thing that day. And he remembered that…

That…

That…he was confused. Conflicted. Like the two sides of his conscience were splitting apart and arguing with him.

That one side wanted to stay and finally be able to “grow into a man”. While the other begged against it. That this was wrong.

“Not now.”

“Not now” it begged.

Like his conscience was arguing over who gets to have a turn at him. What they’ll do with him. What they’d do with the situation.

It was splitting hairs.

Then he remembered how he was brought “comfort” from Kat’s kisses. Like a warm blanket she wrapped around him with kindness and love.

…What a sick woman.

Weirdly enough that night was the more “tolerable” relivings. Because believe him, he’s seen it for ages. And has seen the most ugly sides of that one night fully realized. But even when the nightmares worsened, all he had to do right now was nestle up beside Brad. Even if it was for one fleeting moment. He was happy.